Cultivating Genuine Curiosity: The Key to Breaking unwanted habits

croushorejim
Mar 5
3 min read

Have you ever found yourself stuck in the same frustrating habits, despite your best efforts to change? Whether it’s reaching for your phone first thing in the morning, stress-eating, or procrastinating, breaking these patterns can feel like an uphill battle. But what if the key to change wasn’t willpower or self-discipline, but genuine curiosity about why we do what we do?

Why Curiosity Matters for Change

Curiosity is often thought of as something we apply to the outside world—exploring new ideas, asking questions, and seeking knowledge. But what if we turned that same curiosity inward? Dr. Judson Brewer (2017), a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, explores this concept in his book The Craving Mind, explaining that when we become curious about our behaviors, we begin to see them more clearly and loosen their grip on us.

Instead of labeling ourselves as “lazy” or “undisciplined,” curiosity helps us approach our habits with openness and understanding. When we ask why we engage in a behavior rather than shaming ourselves for it, we create space for real change.

Mindfulness as the Pathway to Curiosity

Mindfulness—the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment—is a powerful tool for developing genuine curiosity about our behaviors. When we slow down and observe our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, we start to see patterns we may have overlooked before.

Mindfulness Strategies to Foster Curiosity:

Pause Before Reacting – When you feel the urge to engage in an unwanted habit, take a deep breath and ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? Noticing emotions like boredom, stress, or fatigue can help you uncover the true triggers behind your habits.Not every circumstance requires immediate action. Slow down yourself and your thinking before reacting to the outside stimuli.

Journaling Your Patterns – Writing down when, where, and why a habit occurs can reveal surprising insights. Clear (2018), in his bestseller, Atomic Habits, emphasizes the importance of tracking behaviors to make change possible. We offer our own NLM habit trackers to the individuals and groups we work with and have found them to be the missing piece for individual accountability.

The “What If?” Approach – Instead of forcing yourself to stop a habit-cold turkey, experiment with slight changes. For example, if you always scroll social media before bed, ask yourself, What if I read for five minutes first? This curiosity-driven approach removes pressure and encourages exploration. In short, you are replacing a negative behavior with a perceived positive behavior.

Self-Compassion Over Judgment – Dr. Kristin Neff (2011), a leading researcher on self-compassion, highlights that being kind to ourselves is essential for change. When we replace self-criticism with curiosity, we become more willing to learn from our behaviors instead of avoiding them. As humans, we never truly arrive and we always have areas we can grow and improve. Like we tell our clients, it is not that you can’t do it, you just cannot do it, yet.

Embracing the Journey

We have been using these strategies with our junior golfers to help them recognize when their irrational thoughts take over during a practice session or a competitive round of golf. One of the strategies we have passed along to them is R.A.I.N. coming from Dr. Raymond Prior (2023):

Recognize: Identify triggers or behaviors

Accept: Own you current experience

Interest (Curiosity): Get curious about your habit and what it does for you

Now: Refocus on your performance or behavior as it is happening.

Developing genuine curiosity about our behavior is one of the most powerful tools for personal change. Through mindfulness practices like breathing, journaling, and meditation, we can deepen our self-awareness and transform our relationship with our habits. The path to breaking unwanted patterns isn't about fixing what is "wrong" with us—it's about uncovering our true needs and responding with care and intention.

So the next time you find yourself caught in an old habit, pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself, “What’s really going on here?” And instead of judging yourself, get curious. The answers you find just might lead you to the change you've been seeking. We all want to be the best versions of ourselves. Consider asking yourself what is holding you back from improving and growing?

References

Brewer, J. (2017). The craving mind: From cigarettes to smartphones to love—Why we get hooked and how we can break bad habits. Yale University Press.

Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: An easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. Avery.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. HarperCollins.